I’m not saying that my scorching ideas are on a little bit of a roll, but when the nice farmers of Wisbech NFU took my recommendation at their dinner (Ukraine to win Eurovision, UK to do very nicely certainly) they are going to be even cheerier than they have been as soon as (or was it “as a result of”?) I’d completed my speech and sat down.
(If you might be one way or the other unaware of the Eurovision end result – and I discover it arduous to consider that some folks don’t watch it – that was the ultimate 1-2.)
See additionally: Digestate gives viable various to inorganic fertilisers
So I’ve acquired one other one for you: don’t purchase your fertiliser simply but. This is one heck of a scorching tip, based mostly – as it’s – on a few phone calls, and coming simply because the Pre-harvest Fertiliser Panic is in full swing.
(The PFP appears to have taken over from the Orange Wheat Blossom Midge Panic, which has lastly died a dying after 30 years. It’s nearly as if we arable farmers want one thing to get in a tizzy about as harvest approaches and we begin shutting gates.)
What have been these phone calls? The first was from my liquid fertiliser firm, declaring that I hadn’t used all of my authentic order; would I be wanting it now?
One of the various joys of liquid fert is that it will get delivered lorry-by-lorry by means of the season, so that you’re not – in concept – tied to your autumn again-of-an-envelope sums.
And my authentic order had certainly been trimmed – not as a result of I used to be slicing price per hectare, however as a result of some winter crops have been changed with spring ones. I defined the scenario, and mentioned no thanks.
“Are you fairly positive, Mr Flindt?” was the reply. This startled me; not the gentle impertinence, however the brand new outbreak of ritual.
This yr they’ve began asking for my Christian title each time I’ve rung them for one more lorry-load, and I’ve needed to level out that my Christian title is for family and friends (and Farmers Weekly readers, in fact, however I didn’t say that).
One order-taker had mentioned, “Well, I’ll need to get to know you higher!” which was formally the creepiest factor I’ve heard in 38 years of farming.
This caller was well mannered however insistent. “Perhaps you need to take this final load and depart it in your tank prepared for subsequent yr.”
I declined the provide, once more, on the superbly legitimate grounds that I’m uneasy with having a distant and full tank of fert on the farm for six months – together with the hare-coursing season.
The rep appeared unconvinced, however finally accepted that I used to be not taking any extra.
Why was he so eager to shift the ultimate little bit of my order – the previous few “cubes” at scrotum-shrinking costs? And revert to a formal “Mr Flindt”?
Could or not it’s that subsequent yr’s costs may not scale the identical dizzy heights?
The second phone call was from Agronomist Tod, and he’d heard a hearsay. He’d heard it from a buddy who’d heard it from a buddy. “Tod,” I interrupted, “you’re getting confused; that’s REO Speedwagon.”
No, actually (he went on). The intelligent cash is on a sure Russian to keel over (for one motive or one other) inside months, huge portions of Western help to pour into Ukraine and a extra professional-globalist Kremlin to emerge – and provides of grain and gasoline to return to regular.
Sell grain ahead now, however maintain again on fertiliser. Ker-ching.
“You may recoup the ten grand you misplaced by not accepting that ultimate lorry load of extremely-low-cost fertiliser this time final yr,” mentioned Tod, considerably unkindly.
Yes, nicely, we’ll preserve quiet about that too. So a lot for Charlie’s scorching ideas.