College soccer Bottom 10 – UMass treats itself to No. 1

Inspirational considered the week:

Monday morning on the ground
Keep calling out for increasingly
Stand up and rise up, are you positive?
Best buddy kicks you out the door
Upside down you misplaced the wheel
Raise your neck and bellow it out

Bad sweet has bought you now
Bad sweet has bought you now

— “Bad Candy,” Twisted Wheel

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, situated throughout the hallway from the mail room the place David Pollack sends out his weekly handwritten complaints to referees to politely dispute each concentrating on name ever made, we’re rifling by means of the underside of the pillowcase we used on Halloween, sifting by means of that all the time unhappy choice of sweets that’s left over as November arrives and trick-or-treating begins to develop smaller in our rearview mirrors.

No, it is not a group of Charlie Brown rocks, however there’s a pile of these brown and orange wax paper-covered blobs that may as nicely be rocks. There’s the telltale mud of tasteless Necco Wafers that escaped from their wrappers to be pulverized into the fabric of the bag. There are Mary Janes, no matter these are. There’s sweet corn with the skid mark of faux chocolate within the center.

And look … there is a sticker of the UMass emblem, free with lint and a toenail clipping caught to the again of it. There’s an previous No. 2 pencil that was stolen from a classroom at Akron. Then … wait … what’s this? An envelope? With the University of Connecticut seal within the nook? What’s inside? Is that … University of Maryland letterhead? It is! It has a $100 invoice stapled to it. And what’s this notice that is scribbled on the stationery?

“Dear Kid. Here’s a few of my bonus cash from that point my staff kicked a discipline purpose towards Liberty, triggering my ‘Field Goal In Every Game Even If It’s A Loss’ bonus. Now, take it and get the hell off my garden. Boo. Sincerely, Randy Edsall.”

With apologies to Willy Wonka, West Virginia security Hershey McLaurin and Steve Harvey, this is the post-Week 9 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. UMess (1-7)

The Minutemen served as the most recent rung within the ladder Whew Mexico State has stepped on throughout their climb from being ranked on the prime/backside of those standings up and into the surface world. Think that scene in “The Dark Knight Rises” when Bruce Wayne climbs out of that enormous jail gap, however when you might really perceive what anybody was saying. Come to think about it, the desert he discovered himself in type of seemed like Las Cruces. Now they play The Artist Formerly Known As UCant, which is now within the enterprise of placing groups within the Bottom 10 of their place. In associated information, editor Steve Richards was on web site as our Bottom 10 bureau reporter, however sources inform me he was escorted off the premises after repeatedly heckling the Other Aggies for “abandoning us!”

2. Akronmonious (1-8)

Speaking of groups that was in these rankings on a regular basis however now are literally good — wait, do not be confused, that wasn’t about Akron. It 100% deserves to be there. But it is also presently situated within the midst of a schedule part filled with former Bottom 10 mates who’ve inexplicably left us behind. Akron simply misplaced in time beyond regulation to My Hammy of Ohio, which is now just one sport beneath .500. Now Akron faces the previous Bottom 10 champion Eastern Michigan University Emus and the previous contender Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, who’ve been to a mixed seven bowl video games since 2016. Then Akron will zip over to Northern Ill-ugh-noise for Thanksgiving, once we may all be glad about a possible Pillow Fight of the End of the Year.

3. Colora-duh (1-7)

Speaking of Pillow Fights of the Week, the Buffs have been rebuffed by then-Bottom 10 Wait Listers Arizona Skate. Both groups confirmed up for the sport with no full-time head coach. It was like that point we had a category discipline journey to the zoo in third grade and the trainer forgot to indicate up. My pal Jody Blanton drove the bus over 30 mailboxes and 19 shrubs, however we bought there.

4. No-vada (2-7)

The Oof Pack misplaced their seventh straight sport. It’s the worst streak in Reno involving the phrase straight since a banker from Los Angeles tried to play a Broadway straight by utilizing a queen of hearts that he’d snuck onto the Circus Circus on line casino ground inside his Members Only jacket sleeve and was final seen driving on a bass boat at Lake Tahoe alongside a lodge gross sales affiliate named Vinny Drywall.

5. “I’m a person I’m (shedding by) forty (eight)!” (6-2)

Ah, the traditions of autumn. Leaves falling. Pumpkin spice all over the place. Political adverts ruining everybody’s good temper. Oklahoma State shedding a sport that knocked them out of the Top 10 and into the Coveted Fifth Spot.

6. US(notC)F (1-6)

In Jeff Scott’s protection, it will probably’t be simple making an attempt to educate your individual staff when your telephone is consistently being blown up by Dabo Swinney asking, “Hey, bud, are you able to refresh my reminiscence about these performs we used to run again in 2017?”

7. Temple of Doom (2-7)

The Temple Bowels have, er, handed plenty of groups this week due to back-to-back losses to a pair of Bottom 10 flirts in Living On Tulsa Time and Navy. Now, they host USF within the Pillow Fight of the Week. The Owls’ feathers are molting so badly that in line with the magically and disturbingly correct ESPN FPI computer systems, they’ve solely a 40% likelihood of prevailing at residence towards a staff with one win that’s ranked one spot forward/beneath them in these rankings. Then once more, possibly as they have been doing analysis for this sport, the ESPN Stats & Info staffers ordered up some Philly cheesesteaks and bought Cheez Whiz throughout their calculators.

8. North by Northworstern (1-7)

Speaking of crunching numbers, there plenty of actually sensible human calculators at Northwestern, residence to certainly one of Earth’s most revered arithmetic and statistics departments. Perhaps they’ll clarify how a staff surrenders 33 factors to Iowa, which has spent all fall avoiding finish zones as in the event that they have been stuffed with killer bees.

9. Huh-why-yuh (2-7)

The Rainbow Warriors will end the season dealing with a quartet of fellow Mountain West members in Fresno State, Utah State, UNLV and San Jose State. The unhealthy information? According to FPI, over the month they are going to common round a 22% likelihood of successful any a type of video games. The excellent news? If they go 0-4 and make a late run on the Bottom 10 title, they are going to nonetheless spend their offseason in Hawai’i.

10. #gobc(c) (2-6)

Boston College and UConn are situated solely 80 miles aside, but final weekend was simply the fifteenth assembly since their first matchup again on Nov. 7, 1908. It was additionally the Huskies’ first-ever win over the Eagles. That’s what occurs while you rating solely three factors. Unless you are Miami and Virginia and also you solely rating three factors, however you simply maintain doing that over and over. Reminder: BC beat Louisville, who simply crushed Wake Forest, who beat Florida State, who beat LSU, who beat Ole Miss, who beat Miami, who beat Virginia Tech, who beat Boston College who … aw hell, I hand over. #goacc certainly.

Waiting List: Charlotte 2-and-7ers, Virginia Tech No-kies, Lose-iana Tech, Arkan-saw State, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Central not Western or Eastern Michigan, Whew Mexico, ULM (pronounced “Uhlm”), political adverts throughout nice video games, saying “Let’s journey!”